Poemaday tradition continues after the longest year ever

It’s been a while since I’ve checked in here. There are myriad reasons for that: A full-time job, part-time grad school, three kids, a dog, two cats, a husband recovering from a heart attack, weeds, fur in the carpet, laundry, etc., etc., etc. There is probably more to write about all those things- but for now I’m going to shelve all of it. And not even in any orderly way, either. Just like the children’s section at a used bookstore. Careworn things shoved into any available open space. Just to get them off the floor. My whole life is like that right now. All hasty and haphazard.

I miss yawning hours for reflection. But I can’t think too much on that now.

I know, as always, I’m not alone. There are few people I know of whose lives have not been affected by some sort of major trauma, tragedy, or seismic shift in recent months. Unexpected deaths of loved ones, long-term illness, hospital stays, fractured partnerships, family drama. It’s not all bad. There have been pregnancies, new jobs, a billion puppies, pursuing of hobbies, the return to school. (Side note, this morning Lily told me sometimes she wakes up in the middle of the night and is disappointed that it’s not time to get ready for school. She’s just so happy to be back. These kids- will we ever fully understand the impact of the last year of them?)

Everything feels unsettled. It’s always been unsettled, of course. But now, I guess it’s as if the Dramamine has worn off and I can feel each and every wave knocking into the side of my boat.

Luckily, last month was National Poetry Month, which meant the return of a beloved neighborhood tradition: Poemaday. This year there were a whopping ten poets who committed to writing poetry every day (or at least some days) throughout the month. Every day my inbox was filled with these little treasures that reminded me to pay attention to the loveliness of spring or the deliciousness of chocolate or the mournfulness of living in our skin.

The universality of the human experience.

As is part of my Poemaday tradition, I rounded up some of my favorite verses from the past month to share. Read them all or pick a couple or even just find a line that speaks to you.

I’m too tired for this last one
The first two depleted my stores
I can’t muster more energy
I’d rather have a long list of chores
 
The first one tested and tried me
Like only a firstborn can do
I was left crumpled and bedraggled
Yet recovered in time for number 2
 
Number two is a different sort of fellow
Generally agreeable and kind
But his drive demands lots from yours truly
His stress is a pain in my behind
 
The tail end of the teen marathon
Has four more years living right here
I doubt I’ll be able to outlast her
So don’t be shocked when I disappear

- RB

 
I finally saw them all today
Not in tiny, pixilated squares
But in real live squirming bodies
Beaming and effervescent
 
I finally saw them all today
Interrupting and laughing
Needing reminders
Getting sweaty outside
 
I finally saw them all today
Spilling water bottles
Stepping on grapes
Asking for hugs
 
I finally saw them all today
Distracted by each other
Needing more reminders
Offering help
 
I finally saw them all today
Wasting soap
Burping and giggling
Complimenting each other
 
I finally saw them all today
It was glorious

- RB
"The Battle of the Shorts"

Stubborn nature at your core
Pants and jeans strewn on the floor
We argue all the way to the door 
Over the battle of the shorts

I try to appeal with scientific reason
The temperature correlates to the season
Those open leg holes let the breeze in
This battle of the shorts

You tell me what your friends are wearing
Your test of wills is awfully daring
I’m so annoyed I’m close to swearing
Damn battle of the shorts

But for today sweet victory is mine
I pour myself a glass of wine
Seven going on seventeen, I resign
To the battle of the shorts 

- CG
I'm on the spot tonight
I committed to voicing
a fallen angel
of the god of Story and Song
who is walking into a bar
in the Elemental Plane of Dread
His name is 
(the fraught silence that immediately follows a storyteller's "and then...")
but he answers to Jack
I don't know what's waiting for him in there,
but I'm going to trust him to handle it

He is the shiniest, most polished version
of the act I perform for people who don't know me
and after walking among the people of the land
for 200 years
always separate but pretending to be part 
he is learning what it means to be in a family

My character before Jack
was an orphan, raised by violence
The only name he knew
was the syllable he heard voiced
when struck
and he slowly came to learn
How To Be
when no one ever shows you how

Before that was Ezra
Alcoholic, near suicide,
had a plan, was too afraid to execute
saved by a sliver of faith he found
that turned out to be in himself

A tarot deck, when shuffled
will tell you a story about yourself

Don't believe for a second
that dice are any different

- JP #1

Depression waits until everything is ok

Chaos is so easy
Nothing requires less
emotional effort
than an endless string of crises

But when all the cards have fallen
and you’ve put the whole house
back together again
and not a breeze stirs the air
and everyone you love is safe
and there’s nothing to do but
wait in the stillness
with
yourself

- JP #1


The ham and cheese
I’d hastily crammed
into the King’s Hawaiian
was an inch from my lips
when the cat meowed three times
and threw up twice 

Football pads had been removed from the car
after the third time he was called back
Her water bottle as well
after the same 
The post-practice ice cream
had been obtained
The pants she’d wet in the woods
when she went off to play
removed by fingertips from the floorboard
loaded into the barrel of the washing machine

The copy of the physical, located
It’s photo, sent to the coach
The keys returned to the wooden dish by the door
and the Appalachian, 6-month aged
semi-hard cow’s milk cheese 
that the owner of the dairy 
an hour away
had been so proud of,
that a year ago I’d shaved,
melted lovingly over the
farm raised scallopini of chicken,
that I’d crowned with a paper thin sheet
of country ham
and sautéed hard 
until it rendered unto Cesar
what was owed to Cesar
cleaving to the breast,
sealing completely the single
perfect
leaf of sage I’d stashed underneath
before deglazing with local wine
mounting with butter
letting it nappe over the finished creation
and serving it to the winemaker
pronouncing it “Virginia Saltimbocca”
that cheese
That One
hastily crammed into the King’s Hawaiian
with the cold ham from the fridge
an inch from my lips
an arm’s length away
from the emptied, abandoned
ice cream cups
adhering to the tablecloth
creating rings from the drippings
that they assumed someone else would clean
with the same surety that they believed 
they’d be owed ice cream tomorrow
and below that
the cat

- JP #1
So this is how spring is suppose to feel.
I didn't know.
Her sweet, crisp breath blows promises onto my cheeks 
And through my hair on morning walks,
And, like the puppy on my leash,
Tugs me toward the buds and blossoms and colors--
Which before I saw only through glass,
And didn't dare touch or smell or pick for fear of scolding--
And whispers into my neck, "They're yours."
"Slip one into a book for safekeeping,
Take some for your rafters,
Take one just for the pleasure of your lips;
There's enough and to spare.
There always was."
And I believe her.
I know, this spring, when I tuck my seedlings into the ground,
They won't be chastised and stunted by a late frost. 
Because for the first time in a very long time,
I'm not being chased by winter.

- JP #2
Discretion is the 
Better part of valor but
Rarely in marriage 
Do you get credit for what
Goes silently unspoken 

- SK

There is poetry all around us
In the breeze that rustles the leaves 
Of the tree upon whose branch
A bird sits and sings a song 
That carries through the open window 
To my ears as I wash the dishes
From the breakfast we ate
Together 

- SK


Do as I say, daughter, not as I do

Do not watch me wash the clothes and cook the food
Vacuum the floors and clean the bathrooms
Buy the school supplies and talk to teachers
Shop for clothes and changeover closets
Make appointments and drive you everywhere
Organize vacations and work full time
And think this is what a woman should be

They told us we could do everything

Have it all

But they never explained why we should
And what it would cost

Be a different kind of woman, daughter
Make a different kind of world

- SK
"Your New Home"

You said what we both already knew,
You want your freedom.
Well, honey, don't let me hold you back.
Who can ignore the siren when it calls so sweetly?
But did you listen to the whole song?
Hear the loneliness and regret in the final verse?
Know the chorus fades to ash?
And the climax fails to last?
What brought you to this new height
To a nest that's a little tight--
'Cause home's not some outer place
But a space that you have to face,
Full of you and your thoughts and deeds,
All your good and all your weeds--
Has very limited wings
And one long empty song to sing. 

- Anonymous
“The High Dive”
 
Some days I long for the high dive.
Every summer day after chores
I raced over the railroad track
to the pool
most days I would leave when it closed
body bronzed, hair blonde
by the end of the summer.
 
The moment I arrived
I would drop my towel and bag
walk as fast as possible
like a penguin
(no running of course)
to the high dive.
 
I would climb to the top,
stop
pull back on the rails
as hard as I could
for a better sling shot effect
run at full speed
propel myself off the end
it felt like flying.
 
Always swimming down, down
to touch the bottom
before pushing off
and swimming
like a torpedo
toward the sunlight
streaming in the water
bursting through
I would shake my head
fill my lungs with air
swim to the side
and get in line
to go again, and again, and again.

- TS

We used to lay on our bellies
for hours
in the grass
delicately combing
through the clover
certain, just certain
one of us
would be lucky that day
the smell of honeysuckle
braided through the chain link fence
so sweet
sun warming our backs
we would talk
about life.
We hoped someday
to have children
live a few houses away from each other
raise them together
my best friend.
 
On the days when
one of us,
once in awhile both of us,
would unearth a four-leaf clover
the world was our oyster.
 
We ended up
on opposite sides of the country
life took us in different directions.
 
The smell of honeysuckle
always takes me right back
to our days
on our bellies
in a patch full of clover
the sun warming our backs.
 
- TS
I made a connection while my hands were in the dirt.
Weeding is warfare.
The wild strawberry - the guerillas - join Creeping Charlie at the ground line, beneath the radar and the mower's blades.
Dandelions the citadels of the lawn are always at the ready to burst into a grey cloud of tiny paratroopers.
Chickweed. Each a stellate communication center with rays extending ten times the diameter of the hub, carrying up to 800 units of genetic messaging that can last for 8 years before delivery.
 There are other units in the fray, dead nettle and plantain, nut sedge and petty spurge, factions fighting with each other as they fight with me for that which has caused conflict immemorial - dirt.
As I dig and pull, I consider the nuclear option.

- JH

We hold it in and hold it in
And never let it out
That wild beast of anger
Is storing up accounts
 
Iron bars and iron will
Don't ever let it show
Just smile tight in silence
No one will ever know
 
Don't reckon on a reckoning
That day will never come
The door will never open
The key holder is gone.

- JH
I loathed Saturday  mornings
David at Classic  Books
Wanda at Library  Books
The strange smell  of used books
Dust 
And 
Mildew 
Hours spent on  the floor
Hoping to pet  the shop cat. 

Twenty-five years  later
Susan at Lake  Anne Used Books
McKay's in Manassas 
The thrill of  finding just the right book 
Scouring rows 
And 
Rows 
And 
Rows of books

Loathing has changed  to love. 

- ES

I don't read the  comments
They provide no  joy
Just others being  rude and usually coy.

I don't read the  comments 
It's not that  I don't care
Just my time is  better spent elsewhere. 

Today I read the  comments
And I beat myself  up
For not sticking  to my gut. 

- ES

Today I was told  that I am a “good mom”.
But what is good?
By definition,  google tells me it is having qualities required for a particular role.
Like, “the schools  here are good”.
When you say,  “you are a good mom”, what are the qualities I am trying to fill?
Resilient to sleepless  nights?
Conquering endless  days of repetitiveness?
Smiling through  tears?
Laughing in times  of frustration?
Ability to feel  joy?
I’m not sure of  my qualities, but I am doing the best job I can.

- ES
"Justice!" they post on social media
"Finally!" they say
They cry tears of relief
They drink in honor of justice

But how the fuck can it be justice
when we all saw him 
kill 
that 
man
with his knee? 

How can we cheer that we finally got justice
when we watched him
murder
another
human
and no one stopped him? 

How can people say the system isn't broken
when ALL OF US
watched 
a 
man 
murdered
while
calling for his MAMA? 

Justice for one man does not erase eternities of injustice. 
A step in the right direction, yes. A small fucking step. 
But a lot of work to still do. 
Rise up. 
Don't stop.
Get it get it

- JW

So much of me i see in her
I wish instead of my

Stubbornness
Attitude
Snarl
Glaring eyes
Growling responses
Laziness

She got my

Creativity
Chattiness
Tendency to over share

And maybe a love of something -anything! - other than Kpop.

- JW
I wonder about weeds,
By definition
“A plant not valued”
“One that tends to choke out
More desirable plants.”
As if it’s a decision
As if weeds have both malice and intent.

Is there a governing body of flora?
One that digs out 
The desirable 
From the not valued?
Has there been peer-reviewed research by PhDs 
Detailing the deciding designations?
Daffodils, not dandelions
Hydrangeas, not henbit
Orchids, not oxalis
Desirable, not valued
Cultivate, annihilate
No doubt it was a human undertaking
As if plants cared what they were called
As if they were aspirational.

I wonder how we came to love 
Plains of emerald grass
But not seas of wild violets?
The word “wild” 
A commentary on worth
Or worthlessness
The mock strawberries 
Curling through my beds
Named for what they aren’t
As if a plant would ever ridicule another.
There are whole campaigns 
against invasive species
As if colonizing 
and thriving 
in a new world 
Is a threat.
As if of the millions of species on Earth
Only one gets to vote
On immigration.

I wonder how we can come to love
The undesirable?
The red dead nettle
The white clover
The speedwell and spurge
The chickweed and the bittercress
Can we call them
As our favorite children?
Can we fawn over them where they bloom
In sidewalk cracks and dirt patches?
Their humble roots
Their intrepid spirits
Their reckless abundance

- SJ

She is herself
Indescribable 
Legs of giraffe
Loping arms of sloth
Gait (at times)
Of chicken
scurrying home for a meal
Vibrating voice of a purring cat
When she’s content
Spitting scowl of a hissing cat
When she’s not.
Sometimes on a walk
I have to ask her to stop howling
At the dogs in their yards
Today on a walk
I watched her scatter dandelions-
Collected in a hat at her soccer game-
Into the pond for the geese
Today at the dinner table
I asked her not to pretend
To groom herself
While eating
It’s not polite
I told her
To just be herself 
As if she could be anyone else
As if herself
Was ever just one 
State
Of being.

- SJ

Here’s the room
Quiet
Except for the dog’s snoring
And the clock ticking
And the baby chattering over the baby monitor.

Here’s the page 
Blank
Except for notes
About the dog snoring
And the clock ticking
And the baby chattering over the baby monitor.

Here’s the breath in.
Here’s the breath out.
Here’s the verse: 
      
                             Here I am.
- SJ